I stopped into a tavern after work the other night.
Found myself in the middle of a big old barroom fight.
I got knocked down to the floor,
Then I crawled out the door.
You can call me a wimp if you want to, that's alright.

I tell you boys, I'm getting too old for this.
Getting punched in the face is something I don't miss.
I got a wife and a family, I really want to live to see.
I'll see you later, fellas, I'm getting too old for this.

When I got outside, I started walking down the street.
When this pretty little girl I chanced to meet.
She said,"Hey Bub, looking for some fun?
"If you are then I'm the one."
She took my hand and said,"I just live up the street."

I said, "Well thank-you honey, but I'm getting too old for this.
"And I'm afraid I know what I'm about to miss.
"But I got a wife and a family, I really want to live to see.
"I'll see you later, Lady, I'm getting too old for this."

When I got home that night, my wife was waiting up for me
Saying, "Hey Pete, want to increase your family?"
I looked into her big brown eyes and said,
"I think you're out of your head!
"I don't know if I can stand any more of this reverie."

I said, "Thank-you Honey, but I'm getting too old for this.
"Changing dirty diapers is something I don't miss.
"You know I love my family, but let's just let it be.
"Roll over and go to sleep, I'm getting to old for this,
"Yes I am, roll over and go to sleep, I'm getting too old for this."