Talking Discount Store Blues

Talking Discount Store Blues

Well I took a little walk to the corner store
But I found that it weren't there no more.
It got eaten up and beaten down
By the discount store at the edge of town.
I can't remember it's name,
And probably wouldn't say it
If I did.

So I got in my car and I drove and I drove,
And I drove and I drove and I drove and I drove.
When I arrived, this ain't no bull,
The whole darn parking lot was full
Of automobiles
Most of them driven there by folks,
Or should I say fools
Like me.

I got out of my car, swallowed my pride,
Walked up to the door and stepped inside.
I was met there by an old guy named Art
Who handed me a shopping cart.
I said, "No thank-you."
He said, "You better take it, son."
I said, "I won't be needing it, sir."
He said, "Yes you will."

So I pushed that cart for what seemed like miles
Down about a hundred and fifty isles.
All filled with stuff that I'd never need,
A testament to consumer greed.
Most of it was made
In the good ol' U S of A
By illegal aliens
Making minimum wage.

They had car batteries and baseball bats,
Guns and knives and ladies' hats,
CD's, TV's, bolts of silk,
But all I needed was a gallon of milk.
I couldn't find any
Another customer said
She thought they had some once
But she couldn't remember where.

So I found a clerk but I'll tell you what,
He wanted to be called an associate.
I said, "I need some milk, maybe butter too."
His eyes told me he didn't have a clue.
He said, "Go ask him,"
He said, "Go ask her,"
She said, "Go ask him."
Then I just quit asking.

As I walked around I filled my cart
With paint and socks and celery hearts.
And after walking ‘round all day
I went to find a place to pay.
There were fifty-seven cash registers,
Only five were open,
And three of them were waiting
On price checks.

So I found a line and got behind
A bunch of carts as full as mine.
The line moved slow, I paid my dough
Filled my car and off I did go
Toward home.
With a lot more stuff
And a lot less money
Than I had before.

As I drove home it occurred to me,
That was one hell of a shopping spree.
But I realized when I reached my door
That I never got what I went there for.
But that's okay,
I'll go back tomorrow.
The more you shop
The more you save.
I just hope
I can save myself
A trip to
The poorhouse.

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